The Book of Mormon - Joseph Smith American Moses Lyrics

Original Broadway Production (2011)
The Book of Mormon: the Musical - Joseph Smith American Moses Lyrics


And now we wish to honor you with the story of Joseph Smith, the American Moses!
Well this is very good, Praise Christ.
Mormon!
I’m going to take you back in time! (Mormon)
To the United States year 1823. (Mormon)
A small and odd village called Oopstate New York. (Oopstate)
There was Disease, and famine (so sick)
But also in the village lived a simple farmer who would change everything
His name was Joseph Smith.

Ha-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya

Joseph Smith, American Moses!
Praise be to Joseph! American prophet man.

AY! My name is Joseph Smith, and I’m going to fuck this baby!

What?!

No no Joseph! Don’t fuck the baby!
Joseph Smith, don’t fuck the baby.

Suddenly the clouds parted,
And Joseph Smith was visited by GOD!

Joseph Smith, do not fuck a baby.
I’ll get rid of your AIDS, if you fuck this frog.

Ha-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya

Joseph Smith fucked the frog god gave him,
And his AIDS went away!
Then a great wizard named Moronai came down from the starship enterprise

Joseph Smith! Your village is shit!
You should lead the villagers to a new village.
Take these fucking golden plates (awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay)

And on the plates were written the directions to a new land.
Sal Tlay Ka Siti (Sal Tlay Ka Siti)
Joseph tried to convince all the villagers to follow him and his golden plates.

Liberation! Equality! No more slavery for oopstate Mormon people!

I got de golden plates! (gold plates)
I gunna lead the people! (we head west)
We gotta stick together! (Mormons)
We gotta hel’ eachother! (we are Mormons)
And so we climb the mountain! (we head west)
And we cross the river (we head west)
And we fight the oppression! (Mormons)
By being nice to everyone (we are Mormons)

Not so fast Mormons! You shall not pass my mountain!
(Down from the mountain look who comes!
The American warlord, Brigham Young!
YES! I am Brigham Young!
I cut off my daughters clitoris.
That made god angry so he turned my nose into a clit for punishment!

(Brigham Young, his nose was a clitoris.
What will you do Joseph? Will you fight the clitoris man?)

Not fight him, help him! (oooohhhhhhhh)

Joseph Smith took his magical fuck frog and rubbed it upon Brigham Young's clit-face,
And behold, Brigham was cured!

Joseph Smith! Magical AIDS frog!
Brigham Young! Frog on his clit-face!

Brigham Young was so grateful,
He decided to join the Mormons and their journey.

Compassion!
Courtesy!
Let’s be really fucking polite to everyone!

I got de golden plates! (gold plates)
I gunna lead the people! (we head west)
We gotta stick together! (Mormons)

Now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad. (ohh)
After travelling for so long,
The Mormons ran out of fresh water,
And became sick, with dysentery!

(Water go to the water,water go to the cup.
Cup go to the stomach, shit come out the butt.
Shit go in the water, water go in the cup.
Shit go down the stomach, shit come out the butt.)

Oh fuck!

Oh no! The prophet Joseph smith is now getting sick!

(Shit go in the water, water go in the cup.
Cup go to the thirsty, shit go to the stomach.
Blood come out the butt, blood go in the water.
Water go in the cup, cup go to the tongue.
Shit blood in the stomach, shit blood in the mouth.
Shit blood on the insides, water come out the butt.)

Brigham Young,
You must take the golden plates and lead the Mormons to the promise land!

Desperation!
Mortality!
Loss of faith!
I…………… got the golden plates (gold plates)
I gunna lead the people (we head west)…

Even though their prophet had died,
The Mormons stuck together,
And helped each other,
And were really nice to everyone they came across.
And one day, the Mormons finally found,
Sal Tlay Ka Siti! (Sal Tlay Ka Siti)
And then, the Mormons danced with Ewoks,
And were greeted by Jesus!

Welcome Mormons!
Now, let’s all have as many babies as we can,
And make big, Mormon families!

Woohoo!
Fuck your woman, fuck your man,
It is all part of gods plan
Mormons help god as they can,
Here in Sal Tlay Ka Siti land!

Thank you!  Thank you,
Now we are fucking.
Thank you! Thank you,
God wants us fucking.
Thank you! Thank you,
Get back to fucking.
Thank you! Thank you, GOD.

(Joseph Smith fuck frog. Brigham Young clit face.
Shit come out the butt. Jesus says fuck, fuck, Mormons!)

[Thanks to Andrew van Baarsen for lyrics]
[Thanks to Antony Bennett, Beccy for corrections]

The Book of Mormon Joseph Smith American Moses Lyrics


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