Muriel's Wedding the Musical - Life Is a Competition Lyrics

2017 Sydney
Muriel's Wedding the Musical - Life Is a Competition Lyrics


KEN BLUNDELL (spoken)
Stop smiling. Look aggressive!
I want to see a pack of great white sharks, hungry for gold medals.
(sung)
Right from the beginning, everyone of us is swimming
Sperm's in a race, competing for an egg
And like the Olympics, there can only be one winner
The losers end up as a wet spot, dead
A crusty defeat, a stain on a sheet
A tissue in a toilet, a drop on the seat
Now give me 110%, or you can piss right off from the main event

COMPANY
Life is a competition
Anything less than perfection
Takes you in the wrong direction
Training is repetitive, repetitive
Have to be the best you can
’Cause life's a competition, and
To be complete, you must compete
And to compete, you must be competitive (yeah)

MURIEL HESLOP (spoken)
Ken? I sent you an email, about your post on Marry Me Already? About the ma--

KEN (spoken)
Shhh. Mariel? Uhh, uh.. take a few more photos. Look like barracudas!
No, piranhas! Piranhas feasting on sharks! So, Mariel, do you.. do any swimming?

MURIEL (spoken)
What? No. You looked younger in the picture you sent.

KEN (spoken)
Shkuratov!

MURIEL (spoken)
Bless you.

KEN (spoken)
Alexander Shkuratov, Mariel Heslop.

MURIEL (spoken)
I feel like we've met before.

ALEXANDER SHKURATOV (spoken)
I feel like we should not meet... ever.

KEN (spoken)
Shkuratov!

ENSEMBLE (spoken)
Bless you!

ALEXANDER (spoken)
Shut up!

KEN (spoken)
Sit! Now, Mariel, you’ve probably heard about how badly Russia treats its LGBTQ.. RSTUV people.

MURIEL (spoken)
They do?

KEN (spoken)
Yeah, well, they've just been banned from the next Olympics
For opening fire on a lesbian protest rally. Which is bad news for Alex here.

MURIEL (spoken)
Are you a lesbian?

ALEXANDER (spoken)
What?

MURIEL (spoken)
Ho-ho-ho-ho, I don't know why I just said that, haha, haha.

KEN (spoken)
Well, I suppose it is funny.. in a.. in a way. No, Alex is Russian.

ALEXANDER (spoken)
Do I look queer to you?

KEN (spoken)
And not homophobic in any way, are you, Alex?

ALEXANDER (spoken)
I love Ian Thorpe.

KEN (spoken)
There you go.

ALEXANDER (spoken)
And Kylie Minogue. And the Sydney Mardi Gras. And the films of Baz Luhrmann.

KEN (spoken)
Okay, Alex, we get the point.

ALEXANDER (spoken)
But I'm not gay, alright?

ENSEMBLE
So not gay

ALEXANDER (spoken)
Shut up, Australian losers!

KEN
Ugh, ugh
He's so not gay, but he's a brilliant swimmer
He was born with fins, the limbs of a winner
He's a future champion, huge potential
Olympic medals, gold credentials
He's keen to join Team Australia
Without citizenship, he’s doomed to fail ya
He needs an Aussie bride, a perfect match
He’ll get $50,000 cold hard cash

ENSEMBLE
Life is a competition
Winning at times requires deception
Slight of hand or misdirection

KEN
Is that fair?

ENSEMBLE
You bet it is
Have to be the best you can

KEN (spoken)
Now, I've worked out the story of your whirlwind romance.

ENSEMBLE
Life’s a competition and

KEN (spoken)
The details of which you're gonna have to memorise.

ENSEMBLE
To be complete you must compete

KEN (spoken)
The important thing is to convnce the immigration authorities
And the media that you two are really in love.

ENSEMBLE
To compete you must be competitive

KEN (spoken)
What I'm asking, Mariel, is, would you have difficulty lying
To every person on the planet about your attraction to Alex?


Other Songs: Muriel's Wedding the Musical Songs Lyrics
Life Is a Competition lyrics from Muriel's Wedding the musical