Once Upon the Natchez Trace Lyrics

2016 Off-Broadway production
The Robber Bridegroom the Musical - Once Upon the Natchez Trace Lyrics

OH WHAT A MAN - NOW THIS IS TRUE
HE HAD TWO FACES
SO HELP ME GOD WOULD I LIE TO YOU
ONE FACE COULD SCARE A PERSON DEAD
THE OTHER FACE WAS SO WILL BRED
TWO FACES SITTIN UP THERE
ON THE SAME MAN'S HEAD

I NEVER WOULD STAND HERE AND LIE IN YOUR FACE
THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED
ONCE UPON THE NATCHEZ TRACE

Jamie Lockhart had a bad face and a good face.

THE GOOD FACE WAS LIKE A PREACHER'S PRAYER
COMPLETELY HONEST
SO HELP ME GOD WOULD I LIE TO YOU
And the other face was stained with the juice of
wild blackberries outta the woods.
AND THAT FACE WAS DARK AND FULL OF CRIME
LOOKED LIKE HE'D STEAL YOUR BOTTOM DIME
AND BOTH COULD TALK TO A MAN AT THE SAME DAMN TIME

I NEVER WOULD STAND HERE AND LIE IN YOUR
FACE THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED
ONCE UPON THE NATCHEZ TRACE

ROSAMUND
Well, what about my great great great grandmother Rosamund?

JAMIE
Yeah, she changed the temperature of the moon! That's right.

SHE WAS A GIRL
NOW THIS IS TRUE
SHE MADE THE MOON HOT
SO HELP ME GOD

JAMIE & ROSAMUND
WOULD WE LIE TO YOU?

ROSAMUND
ONE NIGHT SHE'S SLEEPING IN THE RAW
THE MOON LOOKED DOWN AND DROPPED HIS JAW
HE ROASTED HOT AS THE SUN FROM THE SIGHT HE SAW

JAMIE & ROSAMUND
WE NEVER WOULD STAND HERE AND LIE IN YOUR
FACE THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED
ONCE UPON THE NATCHEZ TRACE

ALL
WE NEVER WOULD STAND HERE AND LIE IN YOUR FACE
THAT’S EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED
ONCE UPON THE NATCHEZ TRACE

SALOME
Talkin' about looks reminds me of the woman called Salome.

JAMIE
Yeah, tell 'em that one.

SALOME
The story goes that one glance from Salome caused every bullfrog in Yazoo City to drop dead of heart failure.

JAMIE
Honey, she was ugly!

SALOME
SHE WAS A SCRAWNY GREEDY WOMAN

JAMIE
OH WHAT A SCRAWNY GREEDY WOMEN

SALOME
SHE HAD BUZZARD EYES
SHE HAD CROCODILE JAWS
SHE HAD GRABBY LONG ARMS
AND HER FINGERS WERE TURKEY FOOT CLAWS
AND SHE LUSTED AFTER EVERY PAIR OF PANTS ON
THE NATCHEZ TRACE!

MUSGROVE
And what about her husband, old Clement Musgrove?

JAMIE
Yeah, they say he was the most fortunate man in the whole Mississippi Territory!

JAMIE & MUSGROVE
HE WAS A RICH AND LUCKY PLANTER

MUSGROVE
OH WHAT A RICH AND LUCKY PLANTER
HE TOOK ONE LITTLE SEED
AND HE STUCK IT IN THE GROUND
AND FROM THAT LITTLE SEED
I SWEAR THERE WAS COTTON ALL AROUND
AND ALL THEM COTTON PLANTS WERE 110 FEET HIGH WOULD I LIE?

JAMIE
WOULD HE LIE?

GOAT
Hey! Tell us about the famous Goat of Rodney.

JAMIE
Well, he wasn't a goat, really. He was a boy.

GOAT
Yeah, but they say he had a brain the size of a scuppernong seed.

GOAT WAS A BOY

GOAT & JAMIE
NOW THIS IS TRUE

GOAT
HIS HEAD WAS EMPTY FROM EAR TO EAR YOU COULD SEE RIGHT THROUGH

LITTLE HARP
Talkin about heads reminds me of Little Harp.

JAMIE
I know what you mean. He was the most gruesome robber in the whole history of the Natchez Trace.

GOAT
I thought you was tellin' us about a head.

JAMIE
Let him finish.

LITTLE HARP
HE WAS A MANGEY LOOKIN SKUNK
WHEN HE WENT BY THE FLOWERS SHRUNK

JAMIE
THE WILLOWS WEPT AT HOW HE STUNK

LITTLE HARP & JAMIE
HE CARRIED EVERYWHERE HE WENT HIS BROTHER'S

JAMIE
BLOODY

LITTLE HARP
NASTY

JAMIE
MANGIE

LITTLE HARP
STINKY

JAMIE
CUTOFF

JAMIE & LITTLE HARP
HEAD IN A TRUNK

JAMIE, LITTLE HARP & BIG HARP
WE NEVER WOULD STAND HERE AND LIE IN YOUR
FACE THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED
ONCE UPON THE NATCHEZ TRACE

ALL
WE NEVER WOULD STAND HERE AND LIE IN YOUR
FACE THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED

JAMIE
A GENT AND A ROBBER ALL IN ONE

ROSAMUND
A GIRL WHO MADE THE MOON BURN LIKE THE SUN

SALOME
A GREEDY WITCH

MUSGROVE
A MAN THAT RICH

GOAT
A BRAIN THAT BIG

LITTLE HARP
A FILTHY PIG

BIG HARP
A TALKIN HEAD

JAMIE
And like I said a hell of a lot happened around here.

ALL
ONCE UPON THE NATCHEZ TRACE
ONCE UPON THE NATCHEZ TRACE

More song from musical: The Robber Bridegroom the Musical Lyrics
Once Upon the Natchez Trace Lyrics The Robber Bridegroom musical