Pirelli's Miracle Elixir Lyrics

Original Broadway production 1979
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street the Musical - Pirelli's Miracle Elixir Lyrics


TOBIAS:
Ladies and gentlemen!
May I have your attention, perlease?
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
Wot ought not to be there?
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
From now on you can waken with ease,
You need never again have a worry or care,
I will show you a miracle marvelous rare.
Gentlemen, you are about to see something that rose from the dead...
On the top of my head.

Scarcely a month ago, gentlemen,
I was struck with a horrible
Dermatologic disease
Though the finest physicians in London were called,
I awakened one morning amazed and appalled
To discover with dread that my head was as bald
As a novice's knees.
I was dying of shame
'Til a gentleman came,
An illustrious barber, Pirelli by name.
He gave me a liquid as precious as gold,
I rubbed it in daily like wot I was told,
And behold!
Only thirty days old!

'Twas Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir,
That's wot did the trick, sir,
True, sir, true.
Was it quick, sir?
Did it in a tick, sir,
Just like an elixir
Ought to do!

How about a bottle, Mister? Only costs a penny guaranteed.

CROWD: (simultaneously)
(FIRST MAN: Penny buys a bottle, I don't know...

SECOND MAN: You don't need-

FIRST MAN: Ah, let's go!

TOBIAS: Go ahead and tug, sir.

THIRD MAN: Penny for a bottle, is it?

TOBIAS: Go ahead, sir, harder...)

TOBIAS:
Does Pirelli's
Stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir,
'Tis unique.
Rub a minute.
Stimulatin' i'n'it?
Soon you'll have to thin it
Once a week!
Penny buys a bottle, guaranteed!

CROWD: (simultaneously)
(FIRST MAN: Penny buys a bottle, might as well...

THIRD MAN: Wotcher think?

SECOND WOMAN: Go ahead and try it, wot the hell...

TOBIAS: 'Ow about a sample? Have you ever smelled a cleaner smell?

FIRST WOMAN: Isn't it a crime they let these urchins clog the pavements?

FOURTH MAN: Penny buys a bottle, does it?

TOBIAS: That's enough sir, ample.)

TOBIAS:
Gently dab it.
Gets to be a habit.
Soon there'll be enough, sir,
Somebody can grab it.
See that chap with
Hair like Shelley's?
You can tell 'e's
Used Pirelli's!

CROWD: (simultaneously)
(FIRST MAN: Let me have a bottle.

SECOND MAN: Make that two.

FIRST WOMAN: Then again I could get some for Harry...

SECOND WOMAN: Nothing works on Harry, dear. Bye bye.

TOBIAS: Go ahead and feel, mum. Absolutely real, mum...

SECOND MAN: How about a beer?

FIRST MAN: You know a pub?

SECOND MAN: There's one close by.

FIRST WOMAN: You got all the hair you need now.

THIRD MAN: That's no lie.

FOURTH MAN: Pass it by.

THIRD WOMAN: I'm just passing by.

TODD: Pardon me, ma'am, what's that awful stench?
Must be standing near an open trench!

MRS. LOVETT: Are we standing near an open trench?
Pardon me, sir, what's that awful stench?)

TOBIAS:
Buy Pirelli's Miracle Elixir:
Anything wot's slick, sir,
Soon sprouts curls.
Try Pirelli's!
When they see how thick, sir,
You can have your pick, sir,
Of the girls!
Want to buy a bottle, missus?

CROWD (simultaneously)
(TODD: What is this?

MRS. LOVETT: What is this?

FIRST MAN: Propagates the hair, sir.

FOURTH MAN: I'll take one!

TODD: Smells like piss.

MRS. LOVETT: Smells like - phew!

SECOND MAN: He says it smells like piss.

TODD: Looks like piss.

MRS. LOVETT: Wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear!

MEN: Wotcher think?

TODD: This is piss. Piss with ink,

SECOND WOMAN & FIFTH MAN: Says it smells like piss or something.

TOBIAS:
Penny for a bottle...
Have you ever smelled a cleaner smell?
How about a sample?...
How about a sample, mister?

MEN & WOMEN:
Let me smell that bottle.
I don't want no ink piss!
What is this?

WOMEN: Give us back our money!

MEN: What does that smell like to you, ma'am?

MRS. LOVETT: Give 'em back their money!

TOBIAS: Never mind that madman, mister... Never mind the madman...)

TODD & MRS. LOVETT: Where is this Pirelli?

CROWD: Yeah, where is this Pirelli?

TOBIAS: Let Pirelli's activate your roots, sir-

TODD: Keep it off your boots, sir-
Eats right through.

CROWD: Go and get Pirelli!

TOBIAS:
Yes, get Pirelli's!
Use a bottle of it!
Ladies seem to love it!

MRS. LOVETT: Flies do, too!

CROWD: Hand the bloody money over! Hand the bloody money over!

TOBIAS:
See Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
Grow a little wick, sir,
Then some fuzz.
The Pirelli's!
Soon'll make it thick, sir,
Like a good elixir
Always does!

Trust Pirelli's!
If your hair is sick, sir,
Fix it in a nick, sir,
Don't look grim.
Just Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir,
That'll do the trick, sir

3 MEN: What about the money?

TOBIAS: If you've got a kick, sir-

CROWD:
What about the money?
Where is this Pirelli?
Go and get Pirelli!
What about our money?

TOBIAS:
Tell it to the mixer
Of the Miracle Elixir
If you've got a kick, sir-

CROWD:
Go and get Pirelli!
What about it?
Where is this Pirelli?

TOBIAS: Talk to him!

[Thanks to Sam Wilkes for lyrics]

Other Album Songs: Sweeney Todd the Musical Lyrics
Pirelli's Miracle Elixir Lyrics from Sweeney Todd the Musical