The Worst Pies in London Lyrics

Original Broadway production 1979
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street the Musical - The Worst Pies in London Lyrics


MRS. LOVETT:
A customer!
Wait! What's yer rush? What's yer hurry?
You gave me such a-
Fright. I thought you was a ghost.
Half a minute, Can'tcher?
Sit! Sit ye down!
Sit!
All I meant is that I
Haven't seen a customer for weeks.
Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague-
Ugh!
What is that?
But you'd think we had the plague-
From the way that people-
Keep avoiding-
No you don't!
Heaven knows I try, sir!
Yich!
But there's no one comes in even to inhale-
Right you are, sir. Would you like a drop of ale?
Mind you, I can't hardly blame them-
These are probably the worst pies in London.
I know why nobody cares to take them-
I should know,
I make them.
But good? No,
The worst pies in London-
Even that's polite.
The worst pies in London-
If you doubt it, take a bite.
Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it.
It's nothing but crusting-
Here, drink this, you'll need it-
The worst pies in London-
And no wonder with the price of
Meat what it is
When you get it.
Never
Thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a
Treat finding poor
Animals
Wot are dying in the street.
Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop.
Does a business, but I've noticed something weird-
Lately all her neighbours' cats have disappeared.
Have to hand it to her-
Wot I calls
Enterprise.
Popping pussies into pies.
Wouldn't do in my shop-
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick.
And I'm telling you them pussy cats is quick.
No denying times is hard, sir-
Even harder than
The worst pies in London.
Only lard and nothing more-
Is that just revolting?
All greasy and gritty,
It looks like it's molting,
And tastes like-
Well, pity
A woman alone
With limited wind
And the worst pies in London.
Ah sir,
Times is hard. Times is hard.

[Thanks to Sam Wilkes for lyrics]

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The Worst Pies in London Lyrics from Sweeney Todd the Musical