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2024 Broadway
Death Becomes Her the Musical - Tell Me, Ernest Lyrics
The song is written by Julia Mattison and Noel Carey.
MADELINE: (spoken)
So tell me, Ernest,
What would you do to me?
Aesthetically?
A lift, a tuck, a freeze,
A sock, some filler in the chin?
ERNEST: (spoken)
Oh, goodness, no
MADELINE: (spoken)
No, really, tell me, Ernest,
If you had your way with me
Medically, are we talking face,
Chest, thighs, breasts?
Oh, God, I don't know where to begin
(sung)
What about the stain on my leg?
I stressed it out from doing squats on the reg
Do you have time on Tuesday to squeeze me in?
HELEN: (spoken)
I told you, Ernest doesn't really do that
ERNEST: (spoken)
But she's a friend, Tuesday's doablе
MADELINE: (spoken)
Mm, doable, huh?
So, tell me, Ernеst,
How much have you seen of me,
Cinematically?
(sung)
The roms, the coms, the rom-coms,
The dramas, the dramedies,
The straight-to-DVDs
No, really, Ernest,
How often have you watched me?
ERNEST: (spoken)
Uh, sporadically
HELEN: (spoken)
What?
ERNEST: (spoken)
I really liked the one where
You were fighting with a sword
MADELINE: (spoken)
Oh, thrust!
HELEN: (spoken)
That was her first Razzie award
MADELINE:
You know I did all my own stunts
I only injured all of my co-stars once
Now swordplay foreplays one of my specialties
We need another bottle
I must be boring you senseless
I'm just so thrilled that you both are here
Treat her well,
I haven't seen her this happy in years
ERNEST:
Well, here, here
HELEN:
Thank you for this sincere
MADELINE, HELEN & ERNEST:
Cheers
I'm so glad we did this
HELEN: (spoken)
Well, this has been so much fun,
But oh, gosh, look at the time
MADELINE: (spoken)
Oh, please,
You don't have anywhere else to be
Our Helen, always worrying
But tell me, Ernest
How's Helen in the sack?
HELEN: (spoken)
Mad
MADELINE:
Just curious
I've known this girl for twenty years
And never have
I ever heard her make a uh-uh-woah
HELEN: (spoken)
Hey
MADELINE: (spoken)
I'll lighten up, Ernest
HELEN: (spoken)
We should be heading back
MADELINE:
Uh-oh, she's furious
Come on, now
You know I'm just having fun
Ooh, we've only begun
A toast to friends for life
That's right, you're stuck with me, Ernie
Thank your wife
HELEN:
Well, it's been fun, but we gotta go
I think I'm done, gotta hit the road
MADELINE:
I must be boring senseless
HELEN:
Oh, we must be bored
HELEN & MADELINE:
I feel so thrilled that we're out of here
We should do this again
MADELINE:
How's next week?
HELEN:
How's next year?
MADELINE, HELEN & ERNEST:
Cheers, cheers
MADELINE:
I'm so glad
ERNEST:
So glad
HELEN:
So fucking glad
MADELINE, HELEN & ERNEST:
We did this
Review: Death Becomes Her the Musical Lyrics
Death Becomes Her the Musical
If You Want Perfection
For the Gaze
Tell Me, Ernest
Alive Forever
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