2016 world premiere Goosebumps The Musical - Whodunit? Lyrics
The song is written by Danny Abosch and John Maclay.
MS. WALKER: (spoken) Zeke Matthews! This time you’ve gone too far.
ZEKE: (spoken) I didn’t do it. I don’t know how that got there. I swear!
PRINCIPAL STINE: (spoken) Well if you didn’t do it, who did? And how did this paint can get into your locker?
ZEKE: (spoken) Why not ask Tina? She’s the one who has access to the paint. Or Emile! He’s probably got keys to everything!
MS. WALKER: (spoken) Who?
ZEKE: (spoken) Emile, the night janitor.
PRINCIPAL STINE: (spoken) What? There is no night janitor. (BROOKE and ZEKE exchange furtive glances. They need to be furtive or the moment just doesn’t work. Like, at all.) So Zeke, care to explain how this can of paint ended up in your locker?
ZEKE: (spoken) I don’t know! You have to believe me!
MS. WALKER: (spoken) Frankly, I don’t know what to believe. Zeke, you are out of the play until further notice.
ZEKE: (spoken) But—
MS. WALKER: (spoken) No buts! Principal Stine and I will be discussing this with your parents. And deciding if we have to cancel the play.
BROOKE: (spoken) Cancel the play? No!
PRINCIPAL STINE: (spoken) We may not have a choice. And, Zeke, we will also discuss what other punishments might be appropriate. If it’s proven you did this, you’ll be lucky if you don’t get suspended. Or worse. (MS. WALKER, PRINCIPAL STINE, and TINA exit.)
ZEKE: (spoken) Suspended? Or worse? What’s worse than suspension? Expulsion? Jail? I mean… what the… what?!?
I’ve got to take a stand Before this gets me banned!
BROOKE: It’s getting out of hand, I mean, like, very.
ZEKE: The story’s gotten scary. My outlook’s gotten wary.
BRIAN: To put it kind of baldly, Your conundrum’s gotten hairy!
ZEKE: Now there is but one solution To prevent my prosecution
BRIAN: Right now, all arrows point to you!
BROOKE: It’s true.
ZEKE: So we gotta think it all through And solve the mystery!
BROOKE: Reveal the phantom’s history!
BRIAN: I know! Let’s make a list to reconsider every clue.
ALL: Someone’s behind it all, But who?
(During the following sequence, they generate sketches of the three suspects.)
BROOKE: (spoken) Brian’s right. Let’s analyze the suspects. Number one: Emile, the scary fake night janitor.
(sing) He’s creepy, weird, and vicious, And what’s even more suspicious Is he lied right to my face.
But what could be his motive? And with access to a load of Cleaning stuff, why leave a trace?
ZEKE: (spoken) To frame me!
BROOKE: He might not be involved. The evidence is slim. But until we have a better suspect, All arrows point to him!
BRIAN: (spoken) He does seem like a likely suspect.
BROOKE: (spoken) Yes he does, Brian. But let’s not forget about Tina.
BRIAN: (spoken) I admit that Tina is a little high-strung. And obsessive. And mean. But she’s also very—
ZEKE: (spoken) Brian is right! Tina is all those things!
BRIAN: (spoken) But I also think she is rather committed to—
ZEKE: (spoken) Good call, Brian. I think it could be Tina.
BRIAN: (spoken) But—
ZEKE: (spoken) Tina! Yes, it’s totally possible.
(sing) She’s angry, not our buddy, Doesn’t want to understudy, And she’s got a vicious streak.
BRIAN: It fits until you factor That to be the leading actor, She’d need brooke kicked out, not zeke.
ZEKE: She might not be involved. It’s less proof than I’d prefer. But until we have a better suspect, All arrows point to her.
BROOKE: (spoken) Okay. So we have two suspects: Emile and Tina.
ZEKE: (spoken) Yes, Brooke dear. But you’re forgetting one important fact.
BROOKE: (spoken) What’s that?
ZEKE: (spoken) In stories like this, it’s always the one you least suspect!
BROOKE: (spoken) But in real life, I think we should probably investigate the person we most suspect.
ZEKE: (spoken) But who is the person we least suspect? Ms. Walker? She’s been acting pretty strangely.
BRIAN: (spoken) Brooke!
BROOKE: (spoken) What?
BRIAN: (spoken) Brooke is the one I least suspect. She has no reason to do it and there’s lots of evidence that she couldn’t be the Phantom. And I can’t imagine she would want to frame you.
ZEKE: (spoken) That’s true. You make a good point, Brian. Maybe it could be Brooke…
BROOKE: (spoken) Zeke!
ZEKE: (spoken) Brooke, Brooke, Brooke!
(sing) Strange as you may find it, Often times, the one behind it Is the one you least suspect.
She seems so sweet and innocent, While scheming, deep within, a Secret plan to have me wrecked!
She might not be involved. She’s likely not a crook. But until we have a better suspect, All arrows point to… No, this is stupid, it’s not Brooke.
BROOKE: (spoken) Thank you, Zeke. That’s very big of you.
ZEKE: (spoken) But I need to clear my name. Right now.
BRIAN: (spoken) But how can you do that?
ZEKE: (spoken) Investigate!
BROOKE: (spoken) So…? Who should we investigate? What should we do?
BRIAN: (spoken) I think the most obvious suspect is this Emile character. He is beyond suspicious.
BROOKE: (spoken) There’s one other possibility.
ZEKE: (spoken) A real phantom? Hmmm. Somebody is “haunting” this school. And it isn’t me. We need proof. And I think I know where to start looking.
BROOKE: (spoken) You don’t mean—
ZEKE: (spoken) Yep. This all started when we went down that trapdoor. We need to go back down that elevator, and get proof that there’s a phantom!
To prevent my prosecution,
BRIAN/BROOKE: And procure your absolution,
ZEKE: I have no choice, It’s crystal clear what I must do:
BRIAN/BROOKE: It’s up to you.
ZEKE: I gotta gum my own shoe To solve the mystery!
BROOKE: Prove the phantom’s history!
BRIAN: Brave any twist or evil plot that might ensue
ALL: To prove the phantom tale is true.
Someone’s behind this, And we’re gonna find out who!
Read more: Goosebumps The Musical Lyrics Goosebumps Whodunit? Lyrics
Goosebumps The Musical Lyrics
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