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2023 West End
Operation Mincemeat the Musical - God That's Brilliant Lyrics
The song is written by David Cumming, Felix Hagan, Natasha Hodgson, and Zoë Roberts.
MONTAGU: (spoken)
So... Hitler’s on the train
And he’s heading for the border
We take out a porter that no-one will miss
Now our boy’s undercover
He poisons the water
REGGIE: (spoken)
God, that’s brilliant!
But listen to this…
(sung)
I’ve designed a new kind of missile
So tiny it’s shot from a pen
It’s full of airborne sedative
Time to effect is relative
But one whiff’s enough
To floor ten grown men
We’ll shoot him on route,
Our pursuit will be fruitful
And the Führer is out cold
COMPANY:
But what the hell happens then?
REGGIE:
So
Hitler’s on the train
And he’s feeling kind of tired
He’s drugged in a fug like a mental abyss
JOHN, as HITLER:
"Mein pants have been stolen!"
REGGIE:
We’ll trade them for Poland!
COMPANY:
God, that’s brilliant
JOHN:
But listen to this…
REGGIE:
But I haven’t got
To the exploding socks yet!
MONTAGU:
You’ve had a verse…
JOHN:
I know a lady assassin
She’s lithe but impossibly strong
She’s killed half of Moscow
FLEMING:
She owns her own crossbow
REGGIE:
A master of disguise
Who can speak any tongue
JOHN:
She’s stationed in Haiti,
Patiently waiting
COMPANY:
But one call from me
And she’ll be ours for a song
So...
COMPANY:
Hitler’s on the train
And he’s coming back from Burma
JOHN:
Our girl hurls herself from a nearby tree
MONTAGU:
She crashes through the window
FLEMING:
Disguised as a flamingo
REGGIE, COMPANY:
In the whirl that unfurls,
She kills a guard or three
She raises up her knife
FLEMING:
It’s dripping blood from the slaughter!
JOHN:
Hitler shits himself as
She blows him a kiss
COMPANY:
His guards try to pour in,
She barricades the door and
God, that’s brilliant
FLEMING:
But listen to this
JOHN:
If this is a man in a fancy suit…!
FLEMING:
All that we need is a swanky tuxedo
REGGIE:
Fleming, stop going on
About your bloody novels
FLEMING:
Several publishers are interested!
MONTAGU:
Your mother doesn’t count
JOHN:
Come on boys,
Remember what Churchill said…
COMPANY:
If you want to beat them Jerries
You gotta call upon the visionaries
REGGIE:
‘Cos if you’re in trouble
CHOLMONDELY:
Don’t scream and shout
COMPANY:
Just call the English public school boys
MONTAGU:
We’ll sort it all out!
COMPANY:
It’s time for ambition,
Time to show you’ve got vision
We’re the best brains in Britain,
Now listen to this!
FLEMING:
All we need is a shiny tuxedo
COMPANY
Here we go!
FLEMING:
And my design for a submarine car
COMPANY:
For God’s sake
FLEMING:
About seven pretty ladies
Aston Martins or Mercedes
A base in a volcano and a laser cigar
Some crocodile moccasins,
A watch with a garrotte in it
A vodka martini waiting at the bar and
There’s our man who’s a really famous hero
He wears cool suits and he has a big gun
He has great adventures
And ladies want to kiss him
JOHN:
I do like it when the ladies want to kiss me!
FLEMING:
God he’s brilliant and his name is James
I’ve even got a catch phrase for him!
The name’s James…. James
(COMPANY all complain over each other)
JOHN:
Hitler’s on the train
MONTAGU:
Or a boat
CHOLMONDELY:
Or other vehicle
JOHN:
We send in an assassin
FLEMING:
Or a robot
CHOLMONDELY:
That’s illegal!
REGGIE:
They shoot him
MONTAGU:
Stab him
REGGIE:
Grab him
FLEMING:
And he’s wearing a tuxedo!
He kills the guard,
Snogs the girl and says something cool
COMPANY:
No!
JOHN:
We tie him up
REGGIE:
We poison him
CHOLMONDELY:
I think this plan has veered off...
JOHN:
We bring him back to Blighty
REGGIE:
Steal his trousers
FLEMING:
Blow his head off
COMPANY & CHARLES
Our victory’s assured (What?)
We go and win the war (No!)
God that’s brilliant! (Um...)
God I'm brilliant! (Well...)
God we’re brilliant! (No!)
Now listen to this!
Review: Operation Mincemeat the Musical Lyrics
Operation Mincemeat the Musical Lyrics
SYNOPSIS
Born to Lead
God That's Brilliant
Dead in the Water
All the Ladies
The Pitch
Making a Man
Dear Bill
Sail on, Boys
Just for Tonight
Bevan's Update
The Ballad of Willie Watkins
Spilsbury Reprise
Useful
Finale
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