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2006 Off-Broadway
Gutenberg! the Musical - Prologue / Schlimmer Lyrics
The song is written by Scott Brown and Anthony King.
BUD: (spoken)
Prologue
The lights rise on the squalid,
Stinky bedroom of a friend of Gutenberg
DOUG: (spoken)
The roof is made of dirty thatch!
In the corner, there are rats
Gnawing in stinky cheese
And lying absolutely still in the center of the room...
Without moving...
Is a dead baby!
BUD: (spoken)
Gutenberg’s friend
and the doctor examine the dead baby
DOUG (as Doctor): (spoken)
Well, we did all we could
I’m afraid your baby... is dead
BUD (as Gutenberg’s Friend): (spoken)
But I gave him this medicine!
DOUG (as Doctor): (spoken)
Them ain’t medicine
Them’s jelly beans
BUD (as Gutenberg’s Friend): (spoken)
Jelly beans?!
But...
DOUG (as Doctor): (spoken)
If only you could read...
See ya
BUD (as Gutenberg’s Friend):
Jelly beans, not medicine
If only I could read;
My son, he wouldn’t need... an elegy
Stupid beans! Not medicine!
Oh god, here in this jar...
I can’t read what these are
Damned jelly beans!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken)
Hello friend
Is there anything Johan Gutenberg can do?
BUD (as Gutenberg’s Friend): (spoken)
Shut up!
DOUG: (spoken)
Friend of Gutenberg sobs like a woman
He cradles his dead baby in his illiterate arms
Blackout!
Act I, Scene 1
Schlimmer, Germany
A German town, full of German things
Like feet and short pants
Gutenberg walks down the dark streets
Of this medieval burg
And encounters a woman
And her daughter on their way to market
They’re carryin’ kraut
Sauerkraut!
BUD (as Woman 1): (spoken)
Oh good morning, Mr. Gutenberg!
DOUG (as Gutenberg): (spoken)
Call me Johan! Johan Gutenberg!
BUD (as Daughter): (spoken)
Hello Mr. Butengerg!
DOUG (as Gutenberg): (spoken)
It’s Gutenberg!
How are you today, little girl?!
BUD (as Daughter): (spoken)
As happy as I can be...
Considering I can’t read
DOUG: (spoken)
Another woman throws open
Her shutters to greet the morning
She dumps her stinky chamber pot
And suddenly
The town of Schlimmer is alive
Not alive like a monster
But alive like a town!
BUD (as Woman 1):
It’s nice to live in Medieval Germany
In the beautiful town of Schlimmer!
We all get along in perfect harmony!
DOUG (as Beef Fat Trimmer):
I’m a beef fat trimmer!
BUD (as Woman 1):
Hey!
DOUG (as Beef Fat Trimmer):
The beef comes in all white with fat
It leaves a good bit slimmer
BOTH (as Drunk 1 & Drunk 2):
We’re just drunks comin’ home from the bar
In the beautiful town of Schlimmer!
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken)
Hey, Gutenberg, ya got any wine?!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken)
Yeah! You’re the wine presser!
Tell us where the wine is!
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken)
Is it over ‘ere?
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken)
It’s not over ‘ere!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken)
Hey, hey fellas!
My wine isn’t the answer
to all your problems!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken)
Oh yes it is!
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken)
It’s not like we can read!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken)
I can’t read!
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken)
Gutenberg, let’s have some fun!
BOTH (as Drunk 1 & Drunk 2):
Gutenberg!
Darn tootin’-berg
He’s the back chap around
Well, at least in this town
Sure as shootin’-berg
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken)
Call me Johan!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken)
Oh, that Gutenberg!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken)
Johan!
BUD (as Boot Plaque):
Gutenberg!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken)
Hey, it’s the boot plaque!
BUD (as Boot Plaque):
Shine your boot-enberg!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken)
Sure boot plaque!
BUD (as Boot Plaque):
You’re a man in his prime
Making friends all the time
No refutin’-berg
(spoken) Ten ducats!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken)
Hey hey hey!
BUD (as Boot Plaque): (spoken)
Oh Gutenberg, ho ho ho!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken)
Okay now fellas
I gotta be gettin’ back to my wine press shop
Don’t you guys have anything to do?
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken)
No!
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken)
It’s not like we can read!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken)
You can’t read!
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken)
You can’t read!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken)
Well, wh- what are you going to...
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken)
Gah ah ah ah ah!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken)
Oh shut up!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken)
Oh, come on guys,
Let’s not fight!
Here, I’ll buy you a flower
from that anti-semitic flower girl!
BUD (as Flower Girl):
Here’s a posey you can wear on your lapel
I stole it from a Jew
He cried and he fought
And I sent him straight to hell
So now it belongs to you!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg):
Ooh, Schlimmer!
My lovely Schlimmer!
You are the best darn town in Germany!
BUD (as Boot Plaque):
Gutenberg!
DOUG (as Beef Fat Trimmer):
Gutenberg!
BUD (as Flower Girl):
Gutenberg!
BOTH (as Drunk 1 and Drunk 2):
Gutenbar-ar-ar-argh!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg):
I’m the pride of Schlimmer
BUD (as Boot Plaque):
He’s the pride of Schlimmer!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (overlapping)
I’m the cremé de la creméer
BOTH (as Johan Gutenberg & Flower Girl):
He’s/I’m the pride of Schlimmer!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg):
I’m the cremé de la creméer
BUD (as Drunk 2): (overlapping):
He’s the pride of Schlimmer!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg):
I am-
BOTH (as All):
Gutenberg!
Review: Gutenberg! the Musical Lyrics
Gutenberg! the Musical Lyrics
PLOT
Prologue/Schlimmer
I Can't Read
Haunted German Wood
The Press Song
I Can't Read (Reprise)
Biscuits
What's The Word?
Stop The Press
Tomorrow Is Tonight
Second Prologue
Words, Words, Words
Monk With Me
Might As Well (Go To Hell)
Festival!
Finale
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