Song from NBC's Hairspray LIVE! (2016) Hairspray LIVE! - (The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs Lyrics
"(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs" is a song from Hairspray LIVE! performed by Kristin Chenoweth (Velma), Dove Cameron (Amber), Maddie Baillio (Tracy), and Council Members.
TRACY I brought my own 45's, so if you wanna put them on, I'll show you my stuff!
AMBER Haven't you shown us enough?
VELMA Oh, my God, how times have changed! This girl's either blind or completely deranged Oh, the time seemed to halt When I was Miss Baltimore Crabs
TRACY It's always been my dream to dance on this show!
AMBER Aww, maybe you ought to go back to sleep
VELMA Childhood dreams for me were cracked When that damn Shirley Temple stole my friggin' act! But the crown's in the vault From when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs
Those poor runner-ups might still hold some grudges They padded their cups, but I screwed the judges Those broads thought they'd win If a plate they would spin in their dance Ha! Not a chance!
'Cuz I hit the stage, batons ablaze! While belting high Cs and preparing cheese souffles! But that triple somersault Is how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs!
AMBER Oh, almost dinner time! Shouldn't you be waddling along?
VELMA Amber! Haven't I taught you not to judge a book by its cover?
AMBER No...
VELMA Oh! This is America, where everyone deserves a separate, but equal chance to fail. I'll handle this. Are you scared we're on live?
TRACY No, I'm sure I can cope
AMBER & VELMA Well, this show isn't broadcast in-
COUNCIL MEMBERS CinemaScope!
VELMA I never drank one chocolate malt- No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs
COUNCIL MEMBER How many sweaters do you own?
AMBER Well, I'm sure, I've got plenty Let me see, I have three, five Wait, I have twenty!
VELMA I would say, "Oy, gevalt!" But I can't... I'm Miss Baltimore Crabs!
COUNCIL MEMBER You're too wide from the back
AMBER Honey, look at her front!
VELMA Wait, are we on Candid Camera? Okay, where's Allen Funt?
AMBER Do you dance like you dress?
LINK Girls, there's no need to be cruel
VELMA Would you swim in an integrated pool?
TRACY I sure would! I'm all for integration. It's the new frontier!
VELMA Not in Baltimore, it isn't
TRACY Can I audition for Corny now?
VELMA Mmm... I'm his producer, and may I be frank? First impressions can be tough and when I saw you, I knew it If your size weren't enough, your last answer just blew it!
And so, my dear, so loud and stout You'll never be in-
COUNCIL MEMBERS So we're kicking you out!
VELMA With your form and your face, well it isn't your fault You're just down with a case of Miss Baltimore Crabs! You may go
TRACY Uh, thank you?
PENNY I could tell, they really liked you!
LITTLE INEZ Hello ma'am, I want to audition
VELMA And I wanna be 18 again... How about you bow and exalt? For I was Miss Baltimore Crabs!
COUNCIL MEMBERS Crabs, crabs!
VELMA Crabs!
Other Album Songs: Hairspray LIVE! Songs with Lyrics The Legend of Miss Baltimore Crabs song lyrics from Hairspray LIVE!
Hairspray LIVE! Songs Lyrics
SYNOPSIS Good Morning Baltimore The Nicest Kids in Town Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now I Can Hear the Bells (The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs Ladies' Choice It Takes Two Velma's Revenge Welcome to the 60's Run and Tell That Big, Blonde and Beautiful You're Timeless to Me Good Morning Baltimore (Reprise) Without Love I Know Where I've Been It's Hairspray Cooties You Can't Stop the Beat Come So Far (Got So Far to Go)
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