The Worst Pies in London Lyrics

2023 West End
Stephen Sondheim's Old Friends - The Worst Pies in London Lyrics

(from Sweeney Todd)

MARIA FRIEDMAN:
A customer!
Wait! What's yer rush?
What's yer hurry?
You gave me such a-
Fright. I thought you was a ghost.
Half a minute, Can'tcher?
Sit! Sit ye down!
Sit!
All I meant is that I
Haven't seen a customer for weeks.
Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague-
Ugh!
What is that?
But you'd think we had the plague-
From the way that people-
Keep avoiding-
No you don't!
Heaven knows I try, sir!
Yich!
But there's no one comes in even to inhale-
Right you are, sir.
Would you like a drop of ale?
Mind you, I can't hardly blame them-
These are probably the worst pies in London.
I know why nobody cares to take them-
I should know,
I make them.
But good? No,
The worst pies in London-
Even that's polite.
The worst pies in London-
If you doubt it, take a bite.
Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it.
It's nothing but crusting-
Here, drink this, you'll need it-
The worst pies in London-
And no wonder with the price of
Meat what it is
When you get it.
Never
Thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a
Treat finding poor
Animals
Wot are dying in the street.
Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop.
Does a business,
But I've noticed something weird-
Lately all her neighbours' cats have disappeared.
Have to hand it to her-
Wot I calls
Enterprise.
Popping pussies into pies.
Wouldn't do in my shop-
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick.
And I'm telling you them pussy cats is quick.
No denying times is hard, sir-
Even harder than
The worst pies in London.
Only lard and nothing more-
Is that just revolting?
All greasy and gritty,
It looks like it's molting,
And tastes like-
Well, pity
A woman alone
With limited wind
And the worst pies in London.
Ah sir,
Times is hard. Times is hard.

Stephen Sondheim's Old Friends
Company
The Little Things You Do Together
You Could Drive a Person Crazy
Getting Married Today
Hello Little Girl
Send In the Clowns
The Ballad of Sweeney Todd
The Worst Pies in London
My Friends
Pretty Women
A Little Priest
The Ladies Who Lunch
Sunday
Broadway Baby
Everybody Ought to Have a Maid
I'm Still Here
Could I Leave You?
Losing My Mind
Not a Day Goes By
Being Alive
Old Friends