The Worst Pies in London Lyrics

2023 West End
Stephen Sondheim's Old Friends - The Worst Pies in London Lyrics

(from Sweeney Todd)

MARIA FRIEDMAN:
A customer!
Wait! What's yer rush?
What's yer hurry?
You gave me such a-
Fright. I thought you was a ghost.
Half a minute, Can'tcher?
Sit! Sit ye down!
Sit!
All I meant is that I
Haven't seen a customer for weeks.
Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague-
Ugh!
What is that?
But you'd think we had the plague-
From the way that people-
Keep avoiding-
No you don't!
Heaven knows I try, sir!
Yich!
But there's no one comes in even to inhale-
Right you are, sir.
Would you like a drop of ale?
Mind you, I can't hardly blame them-
These are probably the worst pies in London.
I know why nobody cares to take them-
I should know,
I make them.
But good? No,
The worst pies in London-
Even that's polite.
The worst pies in London-
If you doubt it, take a bite.
Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it.
It's nothing but crusting-
Here, drink this, you'll need it-
The worst pies in London-
And no wonder with the price of
Meat what it is
When you get it.
Never
Thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a
Treat finding poor
Animals
Wot are dying in the street.
Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop.
Does a business,
But I've noticed something weird-
Lately all her neighbours' cats have disappeared.
Have to hand it to her-
Wot I calls
Enterprise.
Popping pussies into pies.
Wouldn't do in my shop-
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick.
And I'm telling you them pussy cats is quick.
No denying times is hard, sir-
Even harder than
The worst pies in London.
Only lard and nothing more-
Is that just revolting?
All greasy and gritty,
It looks like it's molting,
And tastes like-
Well, pity
A woman alone
With limited wind
And the worst pies in London.
Ah sir,
Times is hard. Times is hard.

Stephen Sondheim's Old Friends
Opening / Side By Side
Introduction
Company
The Little Things You Do Together
You Could Drive a Person Crazy
Live Alone and Like It
Loving You
Getting Married Today
Into the Woods
Agony
I Know Things Now
Hello Little Girl
Children Will Listen
Send In the Clowns
The Ballad of Sweeney Todd
The Worst Pies in London
My Friends
Pretty Women
A Little Priest
The Ladies Who Lunch
Sunday
Tonight Quintet
Broadway Baby
Everybody Ought to Have a Maid
You Gotta Get a Gimmick
Waiting for the Girls Upstairs
I'm Still Here
Could I Leave You?
Everything's Coming Up Roses
The Boy From
Losing My Mind
Not a Day Goes By
Being Alive
Old Friends
Side By Side By Side
Our Time
Love is in the Air