Sweeney Todd - The Contest Lyrics

Original Broadway production 1979
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street the Musical - The Contest Lyrics

TODD: Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?

BEADLE: Glad, as always,
To oblige my friends and neighbours. Ready?


TODD: Ready!

BEADLE: The fastest, smoothest shave is the winner.

Now signorini, signori,
We mix-a da lather
But first-a you gather
Around signorini, signori,
You looking a man
Who have had-a da glory
To shave-a da Pope!
Mr. Sweeney-so-smart-
Oh, I beg-a you pardon-
'll call me a lie, was-a only a cardinal-
Nope! It was-a da Pope!

Perhaps, signorini, signori,
You like-a I tell-a
Da famous-a story
Of Queen Isabella,
Da Queen of-a Polan'
Whose toot' was a-swollen,
I pull it so nice from her mout'
That-a though to begin
She's-a screaming-a murder,
She's later-a swoon-a wid
Bliss and was heard-a
To shout: "Pull all of them out!"

To shave-a da face,
To pull-a da toot',
Require da grace
And not-a da brute,
For if-a you slip,
You nick da skin,
You clip-a da chin,
You rip-a da lip a bit
And dat's-a da trut'!

To shave-a da face
Or even a part
Widout it-a smart
Require da heart.
It take-a da art-
I show you a chart-
I study-a starting in my yout'!

To cut-a da hair,
To trim-a da beard,
To make-a da bristle
Clean like a whistle,
Dis is from early infancy
Da talent give to me
By God!

It take-a da skill,
It take-a da brains,
It take-a da will
To take-a da pains,
It take-a da pace,
It take-a da grace-

BEADLE: The winner is Todd!

TODD: And now, who's for a tooth pulling - free without charge!

MAN (With Head Tied Up in Rag): Me, sir. Me, sir.

TODD: Who else? No one?
Then, sir, since there is no means to test the second skill,
I claim the victory!

PIRELLI: Wait! One moment.
Wait! You, boy. get on that chair.

TOBIAS: Me, Signor? Not a tooth, sir, I beg of you!
I ain't got a twinge - not the slightest pain-

PIRELLI: You do now! We see who is zee victor now.

BEADLE: Ready?


TODD: Ready!

To pull-a da toot'
Widout-a da skill
Can damage da root...
Now hold-a da still!
An' if-a you slip you grip a bit
You hit da pit a bit
Or chip-a da tip
And have-a to fill!

To pull-a da toot'
Widout-a da grace,
You leave-a da space
All over da place.
You try to erase
Widout-a da trace...
Sometimes in da case
You even-a kill.

To hold-a da clamp
Widout-a da cramp,
Wid all dat saliva,
It could-a drive-a you crazy-!
Don' mutter,
Or back-a you go to da gutter-
My touch is as light as a buttercup!

I take-a da pains,
I learn-a da art,
I use-a da brains, I give-a da heart,
I have-a da grace,
I win-a da race!-
I give-a da up!

[Thanks to Sam Wilkes for lyrics]

Other Album Songs: Sweeney Todd the Musical Lyrics
The Contest Lyrics from Sweeney Todd the Musical

Sweeney Todd the Musical Lyrics

The Ballad of Sweeney Todd
No Place Like London
The Barber and His Wife
The Worst Pies in London
Poor Thing
My Friends
The Ballad: "Lift Your Razor High, Sweeney!"
Green Finch and Linnet Bird
Ah, Miss
Pirelli's Miracle Elixir
Pirelli's Entrance
The Contest
The Ballad: "Sweeney Pondered and Sweeney Planned"
The Ballad: "His Hands Were Quick, His Fingers Strong"
Johanna - Mea Culpa
Kiss Me (Part 1)
Ladies In Their Sensitivities
Kiss Me (Part 2)
Pretty Women
A Little Priest
God, That's Good!
Johanna (Reprise)
By the Sea
Wigmaker Sequence
The Letter
Not While I'm Around
Parlour Songs
The Ballad: "The Engine Roared, The Motor Hissed"
City on Fire/ Searching
The Judge's Return
The Final Scene