The Contest Lyrics

Original Broadway production 1979
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street the Musical - The Contest Lyrics


TODD: Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?

BEADLE: Glad, as always, to oblige my friends and neighbours. Ready?

PIRELLI: Ready!

TODD: Ready!

BEADLE: The fastest, smoothest shave is the winner.

PIRELLI:
Now signorini, signori,
We mix-a da lather
But first-a you gather
Around signorini, signori,
You looking a man
Who have had-a da glory
To shave-a da Pope!
Mr. Sweeney-so-smart-
Oh, I beg-a you pardon-
'll call me a lie, was-a only a cardinal-
Nope! It was-a da Pope!

Perhaps, signorini, signori,
You like-a I tell-a
Da famous-a story
Of Queen Isabella,
Da Queen of-a Polan'
Whose toot' was a-swollen,
I pull it so nice from her mout'
That-a though to begin
She's-a screaming-a murder,
She's later-a swoon-a wid
Bliss and was heard-a
To shout: "Pull all of them out!"

To shave-a da face,
To pull-a da toot',
Require da grace
And not-a da brute,
For if-a you slip,
You nick da skin,
You clip-a da chin,
You rip-a da lip a bit
And dat's-a da trut'!

To shave-a da face
Or even a part
Widout it-a smart
Require da heart.
It take-a da art-
I show you a chart-
I study-a starting in my yout'!

To cut-a da hair,
To trim-a da beard,
To make-a da bristle
Clean like a whistle,
Dis is from early infancy
Da talent give to me
By God!

It take-a da skill,
It take-a da brains,
It take-a da will
To take-a da pains,
It take-a da pace,
It take-a da grace-

BEADLE: The winner is Todd!

TODD: And now, who's for a tooth pulling - free without charge!

MAN (With Head Tied Up in Rag): Me, sir. Me, sir.

TODD: Who else? No one?
Then, sir, since there is no means to test the second skill, I claim the victory!

PIRELLI: Wait! One moment. Wait! You, boy. get on that chair.

TOBIAS: Me, Signor? Not a tooth, sir, I beg of you! I ain't got a twinge - not the slightest pain-

PIRELLI: You do now! We see who is zee victor now.

BEADLE: Ready?

PIRELLI: Ready!

TODD: Ready!

PIRELLI:
To pull-a da toot'
Widout-a da skill
Can damage da root...
Now hold-a da still!
An' if-a you slip you grip a bit
You hit da pit a bit
Or chip-a da tip
And have-a to fill!

To pull-a da toot'
Widout-a da grace,
You leave-a da space
All over da place.
You try to erase
Widout-a da trace...
Sometimes in da case
You even-a kill.

To hold-a da clamp
Widout-a da cramp,
Wid all dat saliva,
It could-a drive-a you crazy-!
Don' mutter,
Or back-a you go to da gutter-
My touch is as light as a buttercup!

I take-a da pains,
I learn-a da art,
I use-a da brains, I give-a da heart,
I have-a da grace,
I win-a da race!-
I give-a da up!

[Thanks to Sam Wilkes for lyrics]

Other Album Songs: Sweeney Todd the Musical Lyrics
The Contest Lyrics from Sweeney Todd the Musical