A Gentleman's Guide - Stop! Wait! What?! Lyrics

Broadway production (2013)
A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder the Musical - Stop! Wait! What?! Lyrics

CONSTABLE:
So sorry to interrupt such a festive occasion,
but I'm under strict instructions to arrest you - for murder.

MONTY:
Murder?

Stop! Wait! What?!
Well, I didn't kill Adalbert D'Ysquith
Though that certainly was my intent
Rather haunted, I jest
That I could be arrested
For something that I only meant

And it couldn't be poor cousin Asquith
For he graciously died on his own
Was that hole in the ice
Just a bit too precise?
Was my presence at Chisolmire known?

Murder, did you say?

CONSTABLE:
I'm afraid so, your Lordship.

Stop! Wait! When?!
I should doubt I was seen in the harbor
Lady Hyacinth fell in so fast
As for Salame's end
All suspicion would send
Them at once to that backstabbing cast

Did the bee stings reveal my deception?
Was I seen at the weight lifting hall?
How rude to intrude
On this lovely reception
For I am the Earl after all

Yes, I am the Earl after all
Though it's come, I concede, at a cost
But, where was my blunder
My weakness, I wonder?
Is all of it now to be lost?
Is all of it now to be lost?

Murdering whom?

CONSTABLE:
Lord Adalbert D'Ysquith, eighth Earl of Highhurst.

MONTY:
EDITORS NOTE: the only difference is that
"beastings" has been changed to "Bee stings".

Stop! Wait! Who?!
For the murder of Adalbert D'Ysquith?
Were there ever a farce, this is it
I am almost amused
I should stand here accused
Of a murder I didn't commit

But surely, the Earl died of a heart attack.

CONSTABLE:
Um, no, your Lordship. It was foul play.

MONTY:
Of course, I should like to inquire
By what method he happened to die
But more to the point
What events now conspire
To lead them to think it was I?

I dispatched half a dozen
Each one a cousin
All of them quite by design
It is not a defense
It just makes no sense
This murder was not one of mine!

[Thanks to Elsie for lyrics]
[Thanks to Matt, Violet for corrections]

A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder the Musical Lyrics

SYNOPSIS
A Warning to the Audience
You're a D'Ysquith
I Don't Know What I'd Do
Foolish to Think
A Warning to Monty
I Don't Understand the Poor
Foolish to Think (Reprise)
Poison in My Pocket
Poor Monty
Better With a Man
Inside Out
Lady Hyacinth Abroad
The Last One You'd Expect
Why Are All the D'Ysquith's Dying
Sibella
I've Decided to Marry You
Final Warning
Poison in My Pocket (Reprise)
Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun
Stop! Wait! What?!
That Horrible Woman
Finale